Demetri Martin on ATM Machines
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“ I like to stand near ATM machines, and when somebody types in their pin number, I go, ‘Got it!’ And then I run away. “ |
Demetri Martin Quotes
Demetri Martin on Translations
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“ I wonder what the word for dots looks like in braille. “ |
Demetri Martin on Being Waved at
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“ I was on the street. This guy waved to me, and he came up to me and said, ‘I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else.’ And I said, ‘I am.’ “ |
Demetri Martin on Sports
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“ I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I’m good at everything. “ |
Demetri Martin on Jigsaw Puzzles
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“ I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.’ “ |
Demetri Martin on Good Things
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“ I like when good things happen to me, but I wait two weeks to tell anyone because I like to use the word ‘fortnight.’ “ |
Demetri Martin on Bananas
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“ I feel stupid when I write the word banana. Its like, how many na’s are on this thing? ‘Cause I’m like ‘Bana … keep going. Bananana … damn. “ |