Dane Cook on Movies
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“ I love the movies. I don’t even call them movies. I call them ‘Cinematic Adventures.’ “ |
Comedy Quotes
Steven Wright on Fear of Heights
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“ A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths. “ |
Demetri Martin on Translations
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“ I wonder what the word for dots looks like in braille. “ |
Rodney Dangerfield on Naming a Dog
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“ Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid. “ |
Rodney Dangerfield on Growing Up
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“ I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. “ |
Steven Wright on the Nobel Prize
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“ I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. “ |
Mitch Hedberg on Fake Plants
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“ My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. “ |
Mitch Hedberg on Carrots
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“ If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up. “ |
Zach Galifianakis on Growing Up
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“ I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day while sitting in my fort. “ |
Demetri Martin on Sports
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“ I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I’m good at everything. “ |