Zach Galifianakis on Starting His Own Band
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“ I dream of starting a three-man country trio called the Chixie Dicks. “ |
Humor Quotes
Rodney Dangerfield on Dark Lighting
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“ My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light. “ |
Jerry Seinfeld on Ugly People
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“ See, the thing of it is, there’s a lot of ugly people out there walking around but they don’t know they’re ugly because nobody actually tells them. “ |
Zach Galifianakis on ADD
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“ My brother has ADD, which is weird because he drives a Ford Focus. “ |
Zach Galifianakis on His Girlfriend
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“ My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron…and a lot like Patrick Ewing. “ |
Arj Barker on Pornography
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“ There’s too much porn on the internet. That’s why I’m downloading all of it. “ |
Zach Galifianakis on Getting a Table
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“ Looking the way I do, it’s hard to get a table for one at Chuck E Cheese. “ |
John Stewart on Canada
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“ I’ve been to Canada, and I’ve always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days. “ |
Mitch Hedberg on Rice
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“ I like rice. Rice is great if you’re hungry and want 2000 of something. “ |
John Stewart on Delaware
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“ Is that Delaware, or did Pennsylvania just take a dump? “ |